Regret
by Animerulzs1267
Summary: Elizabeta, behind Roderich's back, had been seeing a secret lover for a while. Even though she hates the fact their ages seem far apart and troublesome and that she is cheating, she realizes how she would come to regret her next decision.


The lateness of the night had always astounded Elizabeta. The stars glittered like diamonds in a coalmine when light shone for the first time, the moon although half-smiling upon the world looked magnificent and so far away. Like those stars, Elizabeta desired the peaceful life they lived so well and do away with her life on earth. Alas, her dream of a peaceful life wasn't so easy. Elizabeta acknowledged this; only around her forties she continued daydreaming the impossible out of comfort. That did not seem to frighten her or Feliciano, a man around his early twenties who was her secret lover.

At first, when they first met she remembered the incident obtusely. Feliciano was a young painter, naive but virtuous with a heart of gold. He had taken hold of her hand, she recalled, and begged her so many weeks on end to paint a portrait of her as she was the most beautiful lady in all of Italy. "No woman can your beauty" his voice reminded calmly. After allowing him to paint a picture and asking if he could keep it, Elizabeta thought the charade of ignominy would cease. It didn't; the passion between them continued ablaze through the past months of secret visits and short periods of leave from the house.

The two shared a fierce romance rather than a sexual one. She couldn't take his sweet purity away, and she did believe in the 'golden vow' despite her secretive meetings with Feliciano. Despite that, Elizabeta had never felt loved by any man like him in all her life. It was obvious, however, they could never be more because of their ages and social standings. Nobody approved a senior woman becoming romantically close to a younger man. It was considered unnatural, completely unheard of. The two found ways meeting behind closed doors and private outings, yet she knew neither were satisfied with that kind of closed relationship.

Elizabeta thought of ending the relationship not because she didn't want Feliciano's heart chained to such an older woman. It was not right whatsoever, Elizabeta could see how in love he was and it was charming and passionate and real in comparison to her fiance's devotion. Roderich, a brilliant pianist at a decent age of forty-two, was not the most endearing man when it came to romantic gestures. That was why Feliciano was the perfect lover for her. He gave her company when she needed it, gave Elizabeta all his undying love when she felt lonely without a significant other and he definitely would love the idea of pursuing her into marriage despite Elizabeta's fear of her own age.

Even so, she felt guilty for lying to her husband and letting Feliciano becoming the best part of her world. And even if she wanted to divorce Roderich for her loving lover, she thought it impudent and disgraceful on her part. Time and time again, she thought of ways to leave Feliciano, and time and time again she found ways not to. Now...she was in her balcony, alone, with only the stars for company and deep down wished for a better opportunity to make her life right.

XxXxXxX

Elizabeta was asleep, dreaming to herself peacefully. Outside sounded nothing but quietness and the only thing that disturbed it once in a while was a gust of wind gushing past the oak trees which rustled sounds made the leaves fall to the ground in a graceful fashion. As Elizabeta dreamed unreachable dreams, her mind was closed on the thought of Feliciano who was holding her hand. All felt wonderful. Nothing could ruin her dream of wanting to make it come true.

In fact, it already was true. Feliciano and she were in a terrific relationship as a couple—both were happy of one another's company and knew who to turn to whenever needed. Yet as she dreamed her Feliciano loving her and kissing her blushed red cheeks on the morning like reality's constant mornings, something felt off about it. Elizabeta looked around the area…and there were gravestones.

One blink and all of a sudden it happened—her gravestone stood in front of her, a crying man she knew too well was hugging the grey stone and she herself was feeling the pounding of her heart growing harder and harder until-

 _Gasp!_

How long was she in that dream? Or was that a nightmare? Or…was it something else?

XxXxXxX

At first, she hadn't planned on going out for any reason. But after the dream and giving herself time to think about the whole situation...she truly decided to end everything with Feliciano. Her legs were like lead dragged by a chained slave, her heart raced in anticipation of Feliciano being absent today and hope to forget all she had thought of last night, and she could go home and stay for anything other than to meet Feliciano, her one sunshine.

Sadly, Feliciano was there near the fountain at the town square, looking rather cheerful as he painted a costumer's portrait as usual. The sound of children laughing near the fountain, playing silly games that entertained them for a while, the woman at the market looking around the stores' windows in awe of new dresses and the rest of the large, brighten town square became all too bleak for Elizabeta for she only saw Feliciano in her eyes and felt the twinging feeling of guilt raise in herself.

Taking a moment to collect herself, she strode down the large path and made her way near the fountain behind the woman who was fidgeting in her seat while waiting eagerly for Feliciano to finish. The water in the fountain was clear, shining from the sunlight like jewels fluttering all around within, and in the fountain there were small coins from people who wished upon it. If she could wish for this all to be over without her part, she would...

"My darling love!" proclaimed a sweet voice near her, making her jolt in shock.

So deep in thought, she hadn't noticed Feliciano next to her for a few moments and she felt her nerves bundle into a ball of fear. Feliciano looked beautiful up close, as well as far away. His skin shining from the sunshine, looking like a gleaming star in the morning, his eyes glittering brightly like a pair of amber gemstones in the sun, but his smile made him the most pure of them all and felt like rays of sun. Only he could replace the sun for Elizabeta.

Then, later remembering his words right away, she hissed softly, "P-please don't say that!" She looked around nervously and hoped no one heard that.

Feliciano expressed a dejected frown and looked away sadly. Elizabeta right away felt regret for what she said and tried to change everything by asking if he was free.

"I am always free for you, bella!" He declared quietly, his lips turning to a wide grin.

"Ah...then, let's go to the park?"

Without fail, Feliciano offered his arm to Elizabeta who cautiously intertwined it with hers. For the next twenty minutes the duo walked in silent comfort from the town square all the way to the large park in town. The day was sunny and lovely enough to seem like everything was a great day, but Elizabeta was ill-prepared for what was to come.

XxXxXxX

The stroll was delicate, slow and relaxing, but it only increased Elizabeta's nerves in a drowsy state. They walked down the park casually, partaking in a private date only they knew as the sun shined brightly below. Elizabeta was never confident when she dated Feliciano in public out of fear of town's folk knowing her husband, but today she thought it would only be right when she would tell Feliciano the dreaded news. Just thinking of what was to come made her stomach ache painfully.

"Ah, isn't the spring time gorgeous?" Feliciano sighed breathlessly.

"Yes, it...does," Elizabeta answered solemnly, her eyes avoiding the sights and on the brick path.

"It's the best time to work on something here!" Feliciano edged his head close and whispered with care, "I couild paint those lovely flowers, or that powerful oak tree by the lake, or maybe the chapel not too far from here. None of them catch my eye, however."

Elizabeta looked over to Feliciano, his eyes widen and curious, "And why is that?"

"They do not match your beauty, Eliza."

Her balanced suddenly broke its controlled pace and she almost broken her posture in a breaking point, but Feliciano's strong hold prevented Elizabeta to fully fall onto the rocky floor.

"Eliza, are you all right?" Feliciano asked, frantic.

As he assisted pulling her up, she breathed in and quietly answered, "Y-yes, I'm sorry."

"Let's go somewhere to sit," he suggested. "You must be exhausted today. You shouldn't have come if you feel unwell."

"I'm fine, really, I just..." Elizabeth searched the area for a bench and luckily saw one not too far ahead. Pointing at it, she said, "Let's go over there, I just need to rest..."

Without protest, Feliciano guided her over to the bench. Sitting down gave Elizabeta some consolation, and having Feliciano comforting her panic attack reprieved her heart. The two became quiet after Elizabeta's sudden sickness and had no idea what the other was thinking now. Eliizabeta couldn't bring herself to discuss about ending their relationship out of guilt and heartache; it would break Feliciano's heart as painfully as Elizabeta's.

Taking her hands together, she held them out of nervousness-she felt her hands shaking lightly as if not wearing gloves in the cold. Feliciano took the initiative of Elizabeta's closed hands by placing his with hers, but Elizabeta's hands shot up to her chest out of timorous reflex. Their eyes looked deeply into each other's in shock, Elizabeta's out of fear and Feliciano's out of confusion.

Elizabeta's s parted, to speak out an apology or an explanation, but she muttered, "F-Feliciano, I...I..."

"It's all right, Eliza," Feliciano said softly, unfazed by Elizabeta's action despite his bewildered expression. "How are you feeling now?"

"Um...I, well, feel a little...sick. It's nothing to worry about, I swear! I just wanted to talk to you about something important." Feliciano looked surprised by this but remained quiet.

Heaving a small, reticent breath and clearing her dry throat, she spoke dolefully as her eyes focused on Feliciano's.

"Feli, I know you and I have something special between us, and I truly love you with all my heart. right now, I have been...preoccupied with certain problems of... I can't fool you, I believe we...should stop seeing each other now."

Feliciano's expression became dejected in abhorrence. Elizabteta gulped in discomfort and spoke softly yet pessimistic.

"Please understand, Feliciano. I want to be with you, but you are so young and-"

"Is it because of our ages?" Feliciano asked, suddenly deadpan.

Elizabeta paused in revulsion, but said, "You have to understand, our ages are far apart. Are you willing to spend your life with an old woman? People will say things, and you might not know what love is..."

"How can you say that? If I didn't know what love is, I wouldn't have pursued you in the first place! I do love you, Eliza, but how can you say this like this means nothing to you?" His hands squeezed firmly upon hers as though she was about to run off.

Elizabeta's jaw dropped slightly, shocked about his question. Was she speaking like this whole relationship wasn't real at all? Of course it did, it still does, but ending it was the best option for both of them—he just needed to know why if he could let her explain a little better.

"Of course this relationship means everything to me," she explained, offended, "but our positions make it difficult for us to live. And when you think about my age, it makes things rather awkward—you could have any other woman you want-"

"I only want you in my life!"

"I know that-"

"We can still make this work; we could run off somewhere and forget about this life! I know a few places we could go, we can run off anywhere and-"

"That won't work and you know that!" Elizabeta argued.

"Why are you giving up so easily? Are you that disgusted about me or something? Just tell me already instead of edging the problem."

"I am telling you the problems: our ages and social positions! You might as well give it up because I want this to end, for our sakes!"

Reticence empowered the fuming couple. Their anger lashed into an indescribable anguish and ended in Elizabeta declaring her desire to end the relationship. What started out as a decent, calming walk turned into a lashing fight that destroyed the tranquility of the park. The duo only glared in acrimony upon each other, their faces expressing antagonism. Neither seemed ready to speak out for an apology so before Elizabeta did anything she will regret, she got up, turned to the opposite direction and stormed off.

"Eliza? Where are you going?" Feliciano called out.

"Don't follow me!" She snapped angrily and strolled faster ahead.

As she walked speedily away from the bench and Feliciano, she growled at the sunny day glowing throughout the way as though everything was perfectly fine. It wasn't. Elizabeta had left someone who never did anything wrong and ended things at a terrible note. She wanted to disappear after all of this, but as her tears burned her vision and her walking became slower with every step, she had no idea what to do next...


End file.
